whaaattt?! the voice actor of rundel haus is the same as natsu!?!?! i was thinking maybe he had the same voice actor as tamaki from ouran high school host club (he even looks similar in some ways), but there was a second where he gave an aggravated squawk in ep 15 where i was like whoa, that sounded like natsu… but it couldn’t be… could it? but it is! DANG! if that’s his “normal”ish voice, then he’s pretty talented to also voice natsu (they’re like at complete ends of the spectrum!) anyways.
just started watching this show while i was eating dinner just to wind down, and i have to say, it makes me feel somewhat better about liking animes… or games… or animes about video games… hahaha. basically, apparently the main characters (or at least the main guy and girl on the team so far in episode 3) are apparently in *pretty minor spoiler: grad school! /end minor spoiler* whoo, finally, an anime where the characters aren’t all in like.. high school. lol. T___T (i’m hoping that that’s not just a translation issue and they’re actually in college or something… anyway). but he’s about to graduate from grad school, so that’ll make him around my age, whoo! (and i suppose jellal’s actually 26 now too after the time skip, come to think of it. I HAVE HOPE! hahahha anyways…)
first heard about this anime at AWA actually, so i guess those anime showings at cons actually are useful haha. the premise is similar to SAO, with a few key differences which i won’t spoil here, but so far it looks at least entertaining, so i’m hopeful that i’ve found a short anime to occupy myself for a little while on my (limited) off time. it’s way better than SAO has become now at any rate. plus, it’s nice having an actual quiet, low key, “intelligent” guy as the main protagonist for once, instead of the “i’m-gonna-throw-myself-first-into-every-fight-with-all-my-might… TO PROTECT MY FRIENDS!” trope that has been used over and over… and over and over… for many years over the big 4, and many other mangas/anime’s. it’s also refreshing to not hear the same introductory spiel at the beginning of every episode, and though i can see how people might be a little annoyed at the fact that he explains different classes/attacks during each episode, i kind of like learning what the game’s classes/rules are (many of them are similar to other mmorpg’s, which is kinda fun – makes it a bit more realistic).
oh, and just to show how contrary i am, even to myself – ended up choosing neither of the food options mentioned previously, and just cooked a pot of dumplings/soup for dinner. lol. -.-||
Interesting article on Disney’s “new” ride, Toy Story Mania… which did this eventually become the Buzz Lightyear ride? Anyway. The article was written in 2008, so who knows what happened since then, but anyway, pretty neat all the work that goes into these things. Also interesting article by the same guy after he visited every Disney Park (goodness that must have cost a ton of money).
anywhoos, heading back from lab. pasta or rice and veggies for dinner? hmmm…
ugh. had to wait at costco for 3.5 hours for my tires to be changed, after being told it’d only be 2-2.5, which i was already kinda like eh… i love shopping/browsing at costco and can probably stretch it to 1.5-2 hours-ish, but that’s probably about the limit. but i was like eh, i can wait half an hour to an hour, that’s ok. but then it dragged to 3 hours. and then 3.5. and by the end i was like ALSFJLAIEHLWEHIr WANT TO LEAVE. it probably didn’t help that i was reading a book i’d picked up out of the free bin at 2nd and Charles that i’d thought someone had recommended to me, and the premise seemed promising at first, and then it just became a kind of slogging through it, so by the end of reading for like 2 hours of it, i was so sick and tired and grumpy haha. plus i was worried the butter and other frozen goods i’d bought would be melting, waiting that long (i even waited until the end of the original 2 hours to buy it just so this wouldn’t happen! T__T). bleh, in situations like this, i’d much prefer them to overestimate the amount of time it would take rather than underestimate. then i would have made the decision right then not to do it today and do it some other time, rather than waiting around. plus, my phone was almost dead so i literally had to wait there next to it so i could leave the minute they were done. also had i known it would take that long, i might as well have gone and browsed in the nearby mall for 2 hours or so… >.<
did some research this morning on craft store coupons and offerings before heading out to lab to feed/differentiate my cells, and then head said crafts stores and costco. pretty pleased with the purchases for the most part, as there were quite large discounts on some of the stuff. i think i’ve bought most of the stuff i’ll need for the sailor fuku/collars and stuff, and i found pretty much the PERFECT sailor mars shoes, in the perfect size (including width)! so awesome! i think that was my most fortunate purchase today haha. and then spent my 3.5 hours long journey/stay at Costco >.< came back and found out the wig i’d been waiting for this sale to start for is out of stock >.<! should have bought it this morning instead of waffling! sigh. and also bought some stuff for the family… and also am a bit worried as i’ve just realized we haven’t heard from my sister in a while, which is pretty normal, but she also hasn’t updated her calendar in a few weeks, which i don’t think is normal. @___@ i really hope nothing happened to her.. >.<!!! called and left a message on thanksgiving, but went to voicemail… and a weird one at that. hm… gonna try calling again to see if it was as weird as i remember… yeah it is. can someone change a cell phone number into a google subscriber number?? @___@ i hope that’s normal…
(and yes, i do feel odd that i posted about black friday and not about thanksgiving, but yesterday was also a long day and was a little too tired to post. plus, it’s easier/faster to whine than to list all the things i’m thankful for, because there’s just a way longer list for the latter haha. overall, it’s been a pretty good year.)
edit: and here are some pics! just cuz. 😄
materials for the color and bodice, plus interfacing!
and finally, but arguably also one of her distinguishing trademarks, the shoes!! and they fit so well ^.^ this will be the first time i cosplay where the shoes ACTUALLY FIT. (first time was too large – borrowed boots for Mikasa from a friend who’s much taller than me. 2nd time was too small – bought boots for Erza at a thrift store that actually looked the closest out of all the boots i’d seen in stores or thrift stores, but it was just a size too small, so after 2 days of walking around, my feet hurt a lot. >.<). but finally, for Mars, the character i’ve wanted to be for so long, i found the perfect shoes. must be fate ^.6
and if you pay attention, in the back is my other major black friday purchase, from costco. finally, a guitar for my place! ^.^ i have yet to open it and try it out, but it’ll happen. eventually.
i’ve been becoming more aware of the presence of an internal dialogue in my head lately. perhaps it’s a result of actually blogging more often (still feels weird to say “blogging” and not “xanga-ing”, but anyway) and therefore thinking more clear thoughts that could later be put down into writing. it’s a weird feeling – this strange commentary in my head about things or events. i never really had that before, even when xanga-ing, and so while books often refer to the phenomenon: ” ‘blah di blah di blah’, so and so thought,” for example, it’d never really happened to me before in real life, so i thought it was just a literary device so that one could talk in the 3rd person and talk about what was going on in the heads of the characters. my “thoughts” were never really so clear – like motives or responses to others (both happy and sad/hurt or annoyed). i never really had the “what does so and so think of me?” or “what did they mean by that?” or any of those classic “thoughts” in my head. more than anything, if i was “thinking” about something, it would be more playing the scenario over and over and having an underlying emotional current running through it, and maybe imagining alternate scenarios that could have played out or something. and in the moment, anything i ended up saying or doing was not really planned out – it was more the underlying feeling/emotion, and then whatever my response was, was the response. except when, ironically, i do actually try to plan out a speech in my head. then, of course, the resulting actual speech coming from my mouth was never near as eloquent as it sounded in my head, and i would often stutter and splutter through it, as well as forget pieces or mess up the logic when it passed through the conduit of my oropharnyx.
but very recently, i’ve started literally thinking things in my head – at people, at situations, etc. i don’t know if i like it very much actually, because usually it’s negative, sarcastic, cynical, or all of the above, when it does happen (unless i’m thinking about my next post-topic). other times, i just go about my day as i always have – a pretty blank slate in the head mostly. weird.
anyway, what brought this post up was that after a conversation with a lab mate today, after he left to grab dinner and i continued working on my experiment, i started thinking about it, and actually wondered “out loud” in my head whether he liked me/was being at little more friendly than usual lately (offering rides, inviting me to stuff, agreeing to go to stuff)… and had a whole internal musing about stuff that i’ll type out below… and then i realized that i was actually having a conversation in my head, which weirded me out. so of course i had to post about it when i got back ahaha.
but yeah. i really hope he doesn’t like me because that would be awkward. he’s a really nice guy – like REALLY nice, and his values and stuff for the most part are pretty much stuff i would like/agree with. and yet, i’m really not attracted to him that way (and hope i haven’t been giving him the wrong idea because i’ve taken a few rides from him to stuff and am going to a Thanksgiving thing with some people he knows tomorrow because they’re doing hot pot and i haven’t had that in a long time lol, but we’ve also talked a bit about his (ex?)gf’s situation thing and yeah…).. it probably also doesn’t help that he’s like, a good about a head or so shorter than me haha. but yeah i was wondering why i didn’t feel that way, and wondering if it was just a shallowness thing, or maybe it’s that i have an afraid to commit kind of thing.. after all, this has happened quite a few times in my life. there’s a really nice guy, who i may have even considered getting to know better since they are either fun to be around or really nice to me, but then when the opportunity actually presents itself (subtly or not so much), i shy away or abruptly decide in my heart “no.” and what it really comes down to i guess is that i just can’t imagine myself with them. and even if i could see us being content together (there were maybe 1 or 2 guys who fell into this category), i worried that one or both of us would later find someone who we really sparked/connected with, and the other person would get really hurt. which is why i decided not to get into relationships with those guys, even though they would arguably have been better than who i did end up with (which is a totally different story). but sometimes i just don’t know if i could even see myself with anyone, which is kinda the case right now, and it makes me wonder if maybe i’m just like… asexual or something lol. but i also know that’s not strictly true, and i also definitely crush on people from time to time. but yeah, even those crushes sometimes, when there’s an actual possibility of things happening, often my inner voice tells me no, and then i’m not really into them that much anymore. so maybe it is a commitment-phobe thing? @___@ which is really weird cuz i don’t think of myself as that type of person. plus, i was even considering marrying my ex (though reason and logic said it likely wouldn’t work out/i’d be unhappy in the long run), so maybe that’s not it…
i don’t know. maybe it’s the idealist in me, still holding out for a guy who i will just “know” once I meet him/get to know him. i just talked with another married friend of mine, who said they pretty much knew within the first 3 months they wouldn’t ever break up, though they didn’t get engaged til about a year later because “it would be irresponsible to get engaged in 3 months!” as he put it (and i secretly chuckled inside a bit, thinking about another couple who got married this summer who got engaged after just 4, and the girl had already thought that was too long! lol) i guess with stories like those, and all these “destiny” or childhood loves, or starcrossed lovers themed mangas and my love of Disney of course, it’s easy to see how i could fall into the idea that love is something you “just know”, as everyone says. i don’t know if that will even exist for me. maybe i haven’t met the right person yet or whatever, but i don’t think it’s ever “hit” me. even that one guy who i’d kind of liked on and off for most of my life… recently, my heart has even said “no” to him, even though there wasn’t even a possibility of us getting together. i guess i just can’t really see myself with anyone. maybe i’m just too selfish/independent of a person to really be able to let myself go with someone at, or by, this point. blahhhh i don’t know. but still, that little flame of hope for my jadeite or jellal (rofl) won’t be quenched.
actually kinda funny story related to that – i’d gone back to one of the rei/jadeite fanfictions i’d liked for a while now, and on the author’s page, she wrote:
I’m back! 🙂
Life is always interesting and surprising. When I first joined the FanFiction site, I was a young teenager driven by a passion for writing. I would lose myself in the characters and the stories.
Now, I am in my young adult life, married and with a lot of new decisions and endeavors in my future. I’d like to think I found that Jadeite whom I always longed for. The reality is so much better than my fantasy. :)”
That honestly made me smile a little (ok, a lot) inside. Through her stories, I think I know a little of what she means by that, and I’m so glad she found something that was even better than what her sweet/funny stories depicted. That was updated in 2010, so I’m guessing they’re doing very well now as she’s stopped writing again (at least, that’s the way I’m choosing to continue their true story in my head haha). I hope one day, I can find my Jadeite, too ^.^ (Finding a Jadeite is both slightly more realistic and slightly less than finding a Jellal, as Jellal and Erza’s story begins in childhood and I don’t think I have any childhood friends whose bond runs as deep and true as theirs lol, but then again, Jadeite and Rei were both starcrossed and (in fanfic and in that implied picture by Naoko) destined to fall in love, even after being reincarnated or after multiple death/rebirths anyway, sooo yeah. but at least the first time they met was (theoretically) after they were both at least in their teens/later than mini chibi kids, so that’s a slightly more likely scenario i think. LOL can’t believe i just analyzed something like that in such a detailed manner (AND decided it was ok to have it floating around online) hahaha. i must be going loopy from too much work).
if there’s anything shadowing and ICM and doing H+P’s have reinforced for me, it’s that I HATE hospitals. i literally feel sick when i’m there – kind of an overall feeling of malaise and also a weird churning of the gut that is remniscent of a cramp, but less severe. and it’s not even the seeing patients part that does that (in fact, that helps change my focus briefly, unless they also smell strongly of cigarettes or something else – then that’s a whole other distraction in itself since I have a very sensitive nose). but yeah, it’s just i don’t know – something in the air of a hospital i think. a certain distinctive smell of decay or death or infection that wafts through the air, even as relatively clean as modern day hospitals are. i hate it. and i’m sure patients hate being there as well.
i really wonder if things would change if we did what i think vandy? or another school did. they started putting “calming/cheerier” scent/air fresheners (like orange/citrus and lavender) in the hospital and seeing whether moods improved and such. they found that the healthcare workers reported having more positive moods after the change, even if they hadn’t noticed the scent change. as long as it isn’t overpowering, i think something like that would do wonders for my experience in the hospital, and would probably help patients as well (stress of being in a new environment is after all detrimental to getting better, especially one with so much noise, people coming in and out, etc).
anyway. it’s been kinda weirdly dead all day. i think all the undergrads and med students have the week off, so they’re gone. only apparently dental students (and those of us sad grad students who are working in lab like me) are still around school right now. and of course doctors/healthcare workers in the hospital. today, was quite busy when i was shadowing – apparently because they wanted to try to get people out for the holidays, so everyone was consulting ID (infectious diseases) to see whether people could go home today. i was kind of glad to see that though – it’s good to see that healthcare workers also think about patients and their families, who might want to celebrate the holidays at home, so try their best to fulfill that if possible.
also saw my first (I think) diabetic amputation patient today. she had gotten necrotizing fascitis, which apparently in uncontrolled diabetes can spread extremely quickly over 24 hours, necessitating amputation. @____@ scary. in our slides when introducing our projects, we always talk about risk of diabetes, and the complications that can occur to it. i usually have some slide and rattle of statistics, like how diabetes is a preventable cause of most of the non-traumatic amputations in adults in the US (about ~60%). seeing this makes that statistic much more real. and she was pretty upset about losing the leg (though if they hadn’t taken it, she might not be alive right now). so pretty devastating. of course, it’s not really fair to say the diabetes caused it directly, but basically, because of the chronic inflammation and decreased immune function (and perhaps the high glucose in the blood itself) due to the diabetes, if any little scratch gets infected with the wrong bacteria, something like this can happen. i guess that’s why healthcare workers are so adamant about people taking medications and/or doing whatever it takes to control their diabetes.
lol. just spent most of the last hour of the meeting with my bioinformatics professor in tears. i think it was partly a result of the built up stress from the last 4 days of literally spending at least 13-14 hours either in the lab or working on stuff for lab/for the committee meeting from the condo. but yeah. really trying to get as much work done as possible so i can see my sister during this break since she’s actually back this winter – she doesn’t usually respond throughout the year so it’s hard to know what she’s doing… or if she’s even alive. so really the only time to talk to her or catch up with her (as much as she allows) is during the time we can see each other face to face, which isn’t often since we’re all in different corners of the country most of the time. so i really wanted to go back this break, especially since she recently graduated and i don’t know if she has any plans after, so she could very well not stay very long and go shooting off somewhere else again soon and we might not hear back from her again after that. at least when she was in school we knew where she would go for the most part, and that there were regular break times where there was a possibility she’d come back. now it’s all up in the air.
unfortunately, even until now, i don’t even know if i can go home and see her this winter because i don’t have any data, and my PI basically implied that i need some otherwise i can’t go. so of course i really broke down today when my bioinformatics professor told me “just go. it’s the right thing to do.” and to forget the consequences because she’s more important. which is what i’ve been feeling for a long time, that i would just go anyway, but wasn’t sure i could, out of duty to the lab and PI, and feeling like i’d already “used up” my time for this year on a previous trip (that was legitimately for a conference for the lab which happened to be in my hometown, but stayed longer partly for health issues). but he told me a few stories in his own life, and he was even kicked out of his own PhD program for leaving on a trip to see someone, but it was worth it because that was the last time he ended up being able to see that person face to face before that person unexpectedly passed away. and as he put it, I still have 21 days; if i’m not able to “make significant progress by that time, the project is probably a dead end.” which is true. plus! my microarrays actually finally arrived today! *does happy grad student dance* which means i can actually get stuff done over this week/weekend even though it’s a holiday week (i would have been SO upset if it wasn’t here before the long weekend, because it’d mean delaying stuff for another week, and time is very precious right now).
anyway. phew. so feeling better about stuff and all the working and stuff despite the holiday season. and my first thesis committee meeting was this morning, and it went ok (sorta) – I think I at least presented my proposals in an understandable fashion, and though we didn’t really figure out a plan much, at least I have some ideas and directions to go. I’m also pretty pleased with how the organization of the thing ended up, and felt that presentation flow overall was decently good. 🙂 Also I think I have good people on my committee, so I’m grateful for that – Praise God. Ok, time to go check on some cells. Ta ta!
Don’t wear cotton when hiking. Particularly when there’s a chance of being wet/being in snow/ice, etc, or even in the desert, which has cold nights.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-Cotton-Will-Kill-You (stolen from my old violin teacher from fb).
It’s fine to bring to keep warm if you’ll for sure be staying dry though.
Which makes sense. I remember wearing all cotton stuff in China in the summer when training and after all the exertion and sweat and all, it was actually cooler and I could feel the breeze (what little there was in the humid heat) through it, or in air conditioned areas, I would actually feel quite cold. I also remember when I’ve gotten my cotton clothes soaked (ie at from a water ride or just walking around when it’s raining and getting water in my shoes… worst feeling ever to have to walk around in all day), and it definitely feels weighted down and freezing cold.
Anyways, good to know!
it’s been a LONG few days/weekend. Spent a good ~13 hours in the lab yesterday (most of it actually working the whole time) and back again this morning before church. i was going to play on worship team today, but it was good our worship team leader told me to take a break, because i would be rushing all morning today (= more possibility of mistakes) and rushing to get there like 30 min late. plus, now i have a chance to eat my (leftover, somewhat stale and unhealthy cookies/desserts/old almond bar i made) breakfast with leftover homemade almond milk. which, since i usually don’t get (up in time) to eat breakfast before church, is nice. and i have time to write this post! So overall, i guess it was a blessing in disguise that he told me not to come in after all. haha
the unfortunate thing is that both yesterday and today, i found out some of the plates were contaminated. ugh. so may have wasted coming in today so early, and this whole experimental series. our lab has had issues with this contamination thing, and it’s not like normal contamination, which is usually from non-sterile technique and grows bacteria that turn the media different colors, or mold, or other things, which also usually cause cell death. nope, ours are little tiny dots that don’t really seem to affect cell growth at all, but just swim happily along in their self-made currents. we don’t know if it affects our cells or anything much really, but assuming that any kind of contamination is bad, we have to throw it out. sigh. that’s the worst part i think. is working for long hours and getting no return because of something like this and having to start over. i think that’s the main difference between lab and clinicals. at least if you’re in the hospital and working 13 hours, you know you’ve at least done SOMETHING to hopefully help someone or at least something productive. but in the lab, 13 hours could literally be 13 hours of waste – wasted time, energy, getting up early, reagents, cells, etc etc, which also means $$ down the drain for someone. >.<
anywhoos. time to work on that lab presentation for tomorrow (which will obviously have no new data…)
ahhh.. i love that feeling of slight soreness all over after getting a full-body workout the day or two before. it makes me feel more alive, and it’s kinda fun tracking which muscles are being utilized in even everyday movements like walking, or reaching for something, via the slight pull of the sore muscles. as an added bonus, it helps me figure out how to walk correctly, as i’m still lopsided from knee surgery and overcompensation from years ago and often fall into a habit of subconsciously favoring one leg/hip or the other for months at a time.
a group of us had made an afternoon trip to Atlanta yesterday to practice at our fencing club president’s old instructor and his students. he was apparently a 3 time olympic champion! but yeah it was quite fun and informative. i hadn’t fenced in quite a few months prior to this, so probably didn’t get nearly as much out of it as everyone else, who i think have been going regularly twice a week or so. but it was still good to see different styles and people who actually fence well (and i pretty much got whooped by a young teenager, if that… and multiple of them too lol. expected, but still T___T).
we also saw a group of people doing kendo in the other room, which i’d never seen in real life before, so that was interesting. it reminded me of alan, a friend from undergrad who not only did kendo, but seems to have a penchant for long, two-handed weapons.
i have to say though – i’m not nearly as sore as i’d be after a wushu workout. i kinda miss that soreness. i should start stretching more. and doing basics. totally lack muscles now. plus, i don’t think i should start up fencing again until i build back some leg strength, because takes quite a toll on the left knee, and i’d rather not rip out another knee ligament. that’s the one thing about fencing – i wish it was more balanced rather than so one-sided.
OH… and I just had an epiphany… THAT’S why I’ve been so hungry all day! HAHA. I remember now – every time after a good wushu work out, I’d pig out so much the next day. Guess I must have gotten in a decent workout yesterday then haha. No wonder. I was just staring at the huge plate of food I basically just demolished in <10 minutes being like “where the heck did that come from??” since I’d previously been eating like… an almond bar for meals the couple days beforehand due to early satiety. But now it makes sense.
The other thing I’ve been doing lately is actually sleeping early and waking up early. Like, really early. For me at least. For example, Tuesday night, I slept at 9:30pm. 9:30!!, and the day after that, around 10:30pm (and that was only because I decided to fool around on the internet on my phone for a good hour in bed or so… darnit smart phones! I need to stop doing that). I don’t think I’ve slept that early in like… well, probably since elementary school. If that. @___@ Well, the first day I had a reason – I was shadowing a bariatric surgery the next morning and had to be there at 7am and didn’t want to fall asleep standing up in the room. And the next day, I guess I was just tired from being up that long. But yesterday, we didn’t get back from ATL until like 12:30am, meaning I didn’t sleep til around 1:30am. And I was SO TIRED. I’d started brain woozing around 11:30pm… which is crazy to think that prior to Tuesday, I think I’ve been pretty much sleeping consistently at around 1am or later for the past 2-3 months and didn’t think much of it, or would even have problems falling asleep at that time. Honestly, I’m quite shocked at how quickly my circadian rhythm adjusted – it definitely likes the early to bed, early to rise schedule better than the late-night. (Studies have shown nurses and other night shift workers take a long time to adjust to the night schedule, but put them back on a day schedule and the body jumps right back very quickly, because that’s the cycle it naturally wants to gravitate to).
Qualitatively, I also do actually feel much more awake/alert this week. Maybe I should actually keep this up! Lol, can’t believe I’m saying that. But I will have to anyway over the weekend – got a 13+ hour day in lab tomorrow that I need to be in by like 5:45am for, and then will need to get up early the next morning to be able to finish lab stuff before going in for worship team practice and church. *sigh* It’s going to be a long week…