random thought of the day: once it becomes about you, it’s all over.
pride, jealousy, defensiveness, envy, selfishness, greed… all those stem from having the self as the center. there’s a reason the words “self-centeredness” exists.
when pursuing something, it’s usually first because of something good. something altruistic, or something greater than one’s self. music, for example. the arts. some invention to change the world, or so profession or app or product to better people’s lives. or even religion. but once the focus becomes on the me and myself – once it becomes about winning prizes for the glory (as much as people try to pretend that it’s not), or for me to make a living for myself, or for impressing other people so i look good or can feel better about myself, or anything along those lines… that’s when we start to fail. That’s when we start to doubt ourselves, and work harder to overcome that doubt. That’s when we people please, when we start comparing ourselves to others… and we all know the downhill spiral that starts from that.
i think the root of all evil probably comes from somewhere within the self. deep down, we are all dank and smelly, a putrid mass of dark desires, just festering and waiting to surface at opportune moments.
It’s because of these things that I start to understand why we talk so much about idolatry in the church. Idolatry meaning, putting something (or someone) as the center, instead of God. Because when we put something/one before God, especially something like our pitiful, oh so fallible selves, we are led only to disappointment and despair.
so when you pursue something, remember to pursue it not for your sake, not for your own glory, but for the sake of others – those around you, those who can enjoy your talents, and those who can benefit from it. focus outward, not inward. and joy and satisfaction will come naturally. (this is a good reminder to myself, as i have found lately i have been doing all of the above that i just said not to do, what with the pvp tournaments going on and the bonnaroo battle of the bands, and just general irritability i’ve noticed i’ve had lately. also probably doesn’t help that i’ve been sleeping between 1-3:30am every day, as sleep is an important mood regulator T___T).
oh, i should probably note that this is probably not a completely random thought, as i thought about this while i was doing lab work but after i’d read a few things on fb from a guy i met this weekend at a going away party. we only met very briefly, and he only stuck in my mind because later on, he actually noticed that i was feeling awkwardly shy and out of place since i pretty much barely knew anyone there, and called out to me by name across the room to see if i wanted to join their conversation (which i didn’t really but did sit and listen somewhat without contributing). also b/c he reminded me a bit of jadeite in looks LOL. but anyway so i was curious and found his fb, and he actually writes some pretty thoughtful things on it… and it’s kinda interesting because he writes the way i think about stuff (aka idealistic i suppose lol XP) and i’ve never really met anyone who thinks about stuff like that in a similar way, so yeah. basically, i’m just justifying my stalking, i know, shh! anyway.
on another note, i just realized i spent around 12 hrs in the lab again today. whoa!