lots of random thoughts today:

when someone says “you’d think i’d have a girlfriend wouldn’t you? but i don’t”… i think that already says something about you.  first that you feel you ought to, or are entitled even? to have a gf, and secondly that you are not self aware or humble enough to self reflect and realize maybe there’s a reason people don’t want to be with you. this is also coming from the same guy who has dates lined up most days of the week (with different women) and the same guy who asked me out on a date which i don’t think i’ll ever take him up on that offer if he decides to ask again for whatever reason.  which relates to:

cosplayers are all kind of weird. and probably some way, some how, have been bullied or otherwise have low self esteem with which they compensate somehow… sometimes ok, and sometimes not so ok. this is probably true of all people at some point, but i feel like i see it a lot more in the cosplaying community. which maybe also explains why there is so much drama sometimes, or why people seem to care about such shallow things.  (and we’re all also nerdy, so i guess that plays into the other aspect of the weirdness). but yeah.

also, pictures are a big thing with cosplayers.  ok that sounds obvious, but like… taking them, having them taken, sharing, liking, etc… it’s like a big part of their lives.  like prior to having my cosplay account, i didn’t really see ppl taking that many selfies, from my fb friends. i guess b/c that’s just not what we do. gradually yes, but most pics are group pics or pics of food or… ok so i just scrolled down my newsfeed a good whiles, and other than one photographer friend i had who obviously had a bunch of photos posted, most of which were selfies, i didn’t see a single picture of anyone even. mostly people are sharing articles or videos or things. very different than my other account, which is either selfies (sometimes just like “this is what i look like today. i think i look kinda cute”), and other times w/ other ppl like group shots. and before cons/events, people will start posting WIP photos or photos of what they’re bringing like “be on the lookout for me!” and then after cons, people post pictures of themselves in groups and are like “i was this! if you have any pics, send them to me/tag me!” or “please like this photo of me!” and that account also has a lot more status updates, most of which are pretty self-centered. it’s like wow. the worst part is i feel like i myself am starting to be drawn into that culture. not that i’m taking selfies or posting drama or anything, but i can tell that i sometimes trawl through photos after cons to see if there’s any of myself much more than i go through them to see other cool cosplays (though i do do that sometimes).  and spend way too much time thinking about how i could do it better, or who’s liking my photos or page. not that it’s THAT much time, but to me it is, and it’s distracting me from my real work. and both of those are not good. :\

other than an awesome random selfie shot one of the guys i was shooting w/ took of  the two of us during the shoot, and meeting cool new people, one of highlights from today was when we were near the front of the gardens and just regular people who wanted to visit the gardens stopped by to take pictures or tell us they liked the costumes, or w/e.  it was particularly awesome when this young girl, maybe early teens or pre-teen, came over with a slr camera and started taking pics randomly as we were arranging ourselves for the shoot, and then after, she asked if she could take a picture with us. of course we said yes, and she handed off the camera to her mom who came over, and ran over to us.  after, she smiled a huge smile to thank us, and on impulse, as they were leaving, i was like “if you want, you should watch the show! it’s fairy tail!” and she was like “i will!” and as she was walking away, i caught bits of the convo, but it sounded like her mom was asking if she knew what we were from, and she was like “yeah, i know fairy tail!” and i was like hurrah! FT is actually really not big in this area, so to see a young girl who liked it was awesome. and i totally get why working at disney as a character or dressing as a character and visiting kids is gratifying now.  it’s like you’re the embodiment of someone they either like or look up to. super cool. (though with great power comes great responsibility i guess, haha o.0)

promotions: this is such a foreign concept to me.  o.0 like i’ve never really held a job, and i don’t think i’m ever going to hold a job, where a “promotion” happens.  basically you work at a certain pay grade, and then when you finish a degree, you move to a higher pay rate, and so forth until you’re a tenured professor, where you stay at the same pay until you move somewhere else or whatever. (i think anyway). i feel like if i were ever to get a job that actually had promotions, it would just weird me out. like if i got one, i’d be like pretty confused, and like oh. *blink blink* ok, that’s.. that’s cool.  thanks? lol @__@.  and yet most ppl get really excited about it. i guess it’s b/c i don’t care about money all that much, and so it’s not like something i value that much? i dunno.

lol someone just tagged me in a bunch of cosplay photos of other asian girls (who aren’t me, needless to say), and yeah. i can maybe see how we look alike in that we all have somewhat? rounder faces, but yeah… nope. haha =.=||

i think there were more but it’s late.  and sigh, was older than everyone i met today -.-|| actually a good number of them were only a year younger, so that’s not that bad. but one that i got to know better was 5 years younger, which is like @___@. hilariously… or rather, i guess, expectedly at this point, he thought i was around his age. i’m like yeah.. unfortunately not.  too bad too, because of the guys he’s probably the most interesting. or i’m just biased cuz of his cosplay lol.

oh yeah, found out a photographer i wanted to work with basically was a pedophile with his current gf… and from what this person said, it sounds a lot like he was grooming her to be in a relationship with him (that i’m assuming is intimate but maybe/hopefully that’s wrong…) but yeah apparently she was 16 when they met and he was already taking pictures of her that were not appropriate… and they’re in that “totally in love” phase right now. and of course this is just hearsay from someone, so it might not be true, but if it is, i’m not sure how i feel about that person anymore, or if i would want to be associated.  i’ve read stories before about how girls in that situation often don’t realize that they’re being taken advantage of or treated inappropriately, and sometimes it’s not until much later that the aftereffects show.  so i have to wonder… :\  i really hope those were just rumors and not truth. :\

oh on a last note – i was actually decently pleased with my make-up job today. it took FOREVER, and almost caused us to not be able to get our pictures (b/c after i got there, which was pretty late already, we had to wait for the other guy to finish, and then we just hung around and chatted a bit before going off to find the photographers, who had left our area). but it worked out, and i think i’ve figured out how to do her eyes now finally (using all 3 of the different eye-liners i own – liquid for the general shape and eyelash marks, pencil to fill in the waterline, and gel (?) for the eyelid mark. also played around w/ a very light dusting of blush for the first time, on top of a bit of contouring as well.  weirdly, my moles, which are much darker, were easier to cover up than the spots on my face. 0.o weird.  anyway, night.