The stereotypical picture of starving grad students isn’t necessarily because they don’t get enough money to buy food on their stipend. More likely, it’s because we’re stuck in lab all day and don’t have enough time to go get food. Thus, when there’s free food in the building, we descend like a pack of ravenous wolves, eat what we can stuff in our faces before the timer runs out, and rush back out to continue our experiments.
i’ve actually been practicing piano the last few days. like, actually every day (now that i think about it), and at least 30min – 1 hr+ each time. this hasn’t happened since like… ever. or maybe when i was like in elementary school and my parents made me keep a practice schedule lol. but yeah. this is the first time in recent/ever memory where i have actually practiced something voluntarily for this many days in a row. some days it happens even at 2am or even past 3am in the morning because i don’t get a chance to do so earlier in the day (in which case, of course, i use my mute pedal… which maybe that’s how they did the scenes in Your Lie in April when he couldn’t hear the notes! it’s definitely really weird to practice when the keys are so hard to press and basically you just hear thumping and tiny sounds far away. i wonder if that’s what music sounds like to people with amusia. anyway.)
but yeah… this practicing thing is weird. and what’s weirder? it’s actually… kind of nice. and fun. i can see improvements day to day in how much easier it is to play a certain passage for example, and even if i don’t get it really well that day, the next day, it somehow magically gets easier. perhaps it’s b/c i don’t see many improvements in lab or other aspects of my life that this makes me feel better about myself lol, but it’s nice to see that something that i’m putting time and effort into is actually paying off. (and there see, anime and the like CAN be helpful and inspiring! take that, parents XP)
the AMA challenge i’ve been working on that was due this afternoon was also the funnest i’ve had in a while in terms of working in a group. i don’t remember if i’ve posted about it already, but it’s cool working with a group of people who are just as passionate about a project and issue (med school curricula in this case) that you are. ^.^ all of them had a final today, too, yet they all still responded throughout the week to film stuff, get together over the weekend for 3 hours one day and a couple on Monday to hash out things, and even last night and this morning they were responding to stuff. so it was cool being part of that team – i’m glad they asked me to be part of it. ^.^
anyway… i guess i should attempt to do SOMETHING on my lab notebook… it’s why i’m writing this now b/c just thinking about the stuff i have to catch up on is making my head hurt. Only up to 11/22 right now, and I also have experiments from aug and also from may that i didn’t write about. T__________T… my lab bench is so full of old experiments i need to write up that i don’t know how i work at all in these conditions. >.<
ooh, speaking of practice, also finally charged up my battery from the dslr i bought on black friday. will hopefully get in some practice tonight before tomorrow’s photoshoot in the gardens (if i can even make it before it gets dark since i have to be in lab all day tomorrow… >.<)
maybe it sounds so loud when i type on the keyboard because i’m articulating as hard as i would when i play keys on a piano. 0.o (and/or maybe because my finger muscles from playing piano make my typing stronger than most people’s)
welp, i did end up playing after all. *sigh* i really do think half the tears i shed for that anime was due to nostalgia and missing playing, and playing with people, and performing, and just.. yeah. playing music. as much as i disliked performing (solo especially), they’re right. that moment at the end… i guess i never really thought of it as “reaching” people in the audience in so many terms, but… i guess that’s pretty much what it is. the term “pouring your heart out on stage” i guess is kind of like that. dance too, or really any performance art. but maybe i’m just not as open/free with my body yet, so with wushu or dance, i don’t think i’ve ever felt completely like i was going “all out.” and i don’t know if i’ve ever reached that point in music either, at least during performances. but i know that i loved playing in orchestra, and playing chamber music – when there wasn’t a pressure of performing necessarily, but you can play your heart out. and sometimes when i’m alone too, or even sometimes on worship set, i do feel like i’m putting a lot of myself in there. actually hm, i guess in recent times yeah, worship team is when i do pour a lot of myself into the sound when i’m actually feeling it (all of course facilitated by God) so yeah. that’s what it is i guess. when people feel something from what you are trying to express. that connection. even though i am bad with words, i guess that is how i speak.
i don’t know why i sometimes read train-wreck comments, but sometimes i just do.
you know what’s almost worst than people who are outrightly racist/sexist, etc etc? someone who keeps leveling blame and calling others racist/sexist, etc whose arguments make absolutely no sense and is basically “justified” only in the fact that he is “aware” of social things more than other people because he got a degree in sociology or whatever it was that makes him think he knows so much. cuz i’m like dude, i think the fact that you’re name-calling all these people things that make me wonder if your definitions themselves are completely off is kind of concerning… -.-||
also, on an unrelated note, sometimes you might not get all your ideas/points across for a satisfactory conclusion, but maybe it’s ok to show a little vulnerability and back off a bit sometimes. maybe somewhat lose the battle, but win a step towards conciliatory relationships.
also 3 more unrelated things:
- i’ve kinda been dragged into something crazy that’s due at the end of the week, and we’ve spent quite a few hours together hashing it out for a competition thing, but it’s been pretty fun actually. it’s been the most fun i’ve had on a team so far actually. i wonder if it’s because the rest of the team is all guys? or maybe we all just are actually passionate about the same topic. anyway, it’s been nice. 🙂
- just finished an anime that really makes me want to play piano again… and play it WELL. like legit practice something difficult where my fingers can fly over the keys. might go play some clementi sonatinas now, even though it’s like 3:22am… actually probably shouldn’t since we’re filming tomorrow and i’ll have super bags under my eyes… meh we’ll see. (i’ll of course put the mute on if i do play). but yeah, totally called the ending to that anime like by the 2nd episode, if not sooner.
- Also “quit” my cosplay fb yesterday after finally putting up the last pics. phew. that took FOREVER. and i guess i did go on a little today as i was procrastinating for my final assignment due tonight, but yeah. it’s kind of nice to be done with a chapter of my life, at least for now.
got the order wrong… twice. i don’t even know how that happens. it’s very clearly printed on the receipt what needs to go on there. and the stuff they got wrong don’t even sound alike or have similar starting letters or anything… and some aren’t even in the same category, so how did you get it wrong, and TWICE?! for example. wanted honey sirarcha crust. instead, first time, got balsamic vinagrette drizzled over the pizza and regular crust. second time, got the right flavor, but it was drizzled under the ingredients, and the crust was still normal. also, bell peppers do not = mushrooms. -.-||
at least they gave me some extra garlic breadsticks after i was annoyed at having to wait and asked if i could at least get a discount or something. cuz today it was actually a big detriment having to lose an extra 20 min or so, since i have a final project due at midnight. guh.
edit: ugh, the breadsticks and marinara sauce aren’t even warm! they’re not even room temperature.. they’re cold, hard, and a little bit stale >.<! that actually explains why the butter wasn’t melted on top. i was wondering about that… ugh
there goes an experiment down the drain. and I was doing so well too! >.<!!!!!!!!! just as i was standing up from adding the scintillation fluid, the far side of the rack bumped the freaking chair that was in the way = splash go the droplets. and now everything is wasted. including coming in both days this weekend just for this stupid experiment. f;jalsihd;fliahwe;lirhaw;leirh;alwiehrel;ai
not to mention now i’m extremely paranoid/worried that i’m radioactive. (yes i was wearing protective gear and sprayed everything down multiple times w/ radiawash and wiped everything down, and theoretically tritium is not too bad, but ugh ;dalkfj;lawieh;laiwehr;lawiher) we’ll see what the wipe test shows tomorrow. gah.
if you have to justify yourself by saying “I’m not a _____ist – I have so many friends who are ____,” then you’re probably doing something wrong.
today i was reminded that as a doctor, we will hold incredible power. power to make or break someone by the words we say. someone i know just posted on FB about how two weeks ago, he went to the doctor and was told he might have MS and that he tested positive for preliminary tests, but that he would need to see an ortho for certain. (also to me this is already kind of weird – what tests did they do that made them think and tell the patient MS that an ortho could help determine?! like, an arm/grip strength test? did they not ask about injuries or anything first? (i know he had a shoulder injury before, which could definitely affect stuff like that) and if they suspected MS, a neuro test would have been more appropriate…) but anyway. he went to the ortho today, and was told he doesn’t have MS, just a few torn ligaments (which is what i suspected when he first told me about the injury, assuming it’s the same one that he went to the doctors for).
but yeah, that sounds pretty minor, except for the fact that apparently because of that initial diagnosis, he’s been pretty down and scared, to the point where when he found out today that he didn’t have that, he cried, as did some of his friends who commented.
that, to me, is a reminder. a reminder that physicians should not get ahead of themselves for one – don’t tell a patient they might have a serious diagnosis when you don’t have the tests yet and whatever tests you have are too preliminary to eliminate the less serious diagnoses (which would tend to be the more likely scenario). and it’s also a reminder to be especially careful about word choice. i don’t know the full extent of what was said, but there was some sort of re-enactment that we watched at the beginning of med school that addressed how sometimes, even if what one says is very logical and you do say that things are not certain… if you say certain words, patients will stop listening, or only really get about 50% of what you’re saying at most. “Cancer” is an example, or really, any terminal or life-long illness. it’s a normal human reaction out of fear. (i don’t know if the misinformation he also mentioned on his post is related to this or if that was just from internet searches later, but what he was worrying about was 1) more end-game stuff, and 2) should theoretically not really be a problem if it was MS and they caught it this early b/c of treatment unless he was in the 10-15% who have very very severe and progressing MS that was unresponsive to treatment). but yeah. moral of the story: we need to be careful about what we say, when we say it, and how we say it. otherwise, we can dramatically affect people’s lives unnecessarily, and thus ultimately, their health (stress, depression, etc are all pretty clearly linked to adverse health conditions).