meh. i hate conflicts that are unresolvable b/c the other party does not feel like reconciling. it makes all future interactions awkward, and since by necessity there will continue to be times where we have to occupy the same space or otherwise be in contact – by being in the same program = seeing each other at all seminars, meetings, parties, etc that are program-specific, still having to work on the same project = still having to interact uncomfortably, especially since he keeps pushing the same issue (and trying even to say he deserves more than i do, not even equal at this point) despite our supposedly having resolved it, and by pursuing the same degree = future potential professional clashes b/c the scientific world requires grant/article reviews from people even across different fields, so might have to deal with being rejected or harshly reviewed out of personal spite. ugh. i really really hope we don’t end up on the same services when we go back to clinic, though with my luck, we probably will. T__T though i guess from a christian perspective, i should rejoice at a chance to reconcile or show Christ’s love to an “enemy” now, of sorts (again, not my desire, and i feel i’ve tried as hard as possible to reconcile already on my end, but he is just not going to be satisfied it seems). meh. so now, i have to second guess every e-mail i write that includes him, and make double and triple sure my responses don’t carry potentially hidden meanings that he could take the wrong way again, and even then i don’t know, he’s probably still going to take it the wrong way b/c he’s so prejudiced against me. mer. why must life be so difficult.
in other news, i’ve actually made a tiny bit of progress today. whoo~! but… so many deadlines coming up o.0 class ending on friday that requires me to write another H+P, abstract that i haven’t even worked on due may 2, and probably a poster or something due for a school diabetes day thing on may 3… and i still need to figure out what to do w/ my travel funds before aug, and probably most summertime programs are closed by now… @__@. not to mention this stupid paper. sigh.