very disoriented by the weather today – i keep thinking it’s nighttime b/c it’s so dark outside, but it’s really just stormy weather (when it was 2pm i totally thought it should be around dinnertime lol).  it may also be because i’m actually working and being productive for once, and time simultaneously flies by and is really slow so i can’t figure out what’s going on lol.

church was also really great, but also a little disorienting b/c they changed how the seating is arranged so that we all now face a corner to accomodate about 100 more seats, which is awesome! but also disorienting haha.

also finally, also re-weirded out by the fact that i seem so relatively unconcerned about the guy situation. like, i feel like it’s back to friends level, so that if we end up not talking every day it would be fine, and he’s just like a normal friend now, almost. i would miss talking somewhat i think, but not that much. am i just not really emotional anymore, or is it because God is helping me with this situation by helping me be less attached and more clear-headed about how despite some of our close similarities in some aspects, we’re so different in others?  i’ve been praying about it more recently, and maybe this is the answer. also… i think part of it is that i really really just want to be pursued or in a godly relationship where God is glorified through my relationship. looking at my track record, i’ve done an extremely poor job in picking partners, and i have yet to experience any guy who is Christ-centered being interested in me. i’m not sure if this a result of not being that close with people at any of the churches i’ve been a part of, or what, but really, someday i hope for that.  one of the guys i met at shocco last year who i really liked (personality-wise and because of his zeal for God) just got into a relationship yesterday (or at least it was announced on FB yesterday) and it was a little bittersweet, but mostly really encouraging/inspiring, because the tag line to the picture was “He holds us together.”  like wow.  how amazing would it be to pursue God together with someone?

*sigh*  maybe i just need to be patient. or else go about my normal way and just be content in singleness (it really is much more 自由 that way).

anyway, trying to submit my manuscript today!  though there’s a tiny problem in that i don’t think my printer here works, and i think the scanner here does, but if not, then even if i go to lab to print out the letterhead, i won’t be able to scan it in to submit, which would mean i would have to wait until monday, which would suck -.-||. well wish me luck.  bye!