it’s kind of interesting.  i guess it really is a time for rebirth.

yesterday was the first time that it really hit me hard (emotionally) during the Good Friday service how much Jesus went through for us.  we were singing “Jerusalem” by City Alight, and that song has been making tears fall down my face for a couple weeks now, but it did it again even more so yesterday.  the picture of Jesus, going docilely to his sentence, for the sake of the people nailing him down and torturing him, is just heart-wrenching.

interestingly enough, i also had a talk w/ him the day before. we’d had a good talk the week prior (well, over FB, but in real time for once) where both of us ended up crying on our respective sides of the world, and i thought we’d come to a good conclusion moving forward – that we understood we both meant a lot to each other and that he was going to stop putting up a wall between us.  it sort of happened, and it was sort of ok, but i still sensed he was holding back or felt pressured by me to talk or stuff. so i mentioned that on thursday and he admitted he kind of did, so i said i understood and have backed off since then. we haven’t talked since, but i think i’m actually ok. i can just treat him like a normal friend now. maybe it helped that will also called sometime in the middle of the night yesterday after he got back from japan and left a message, but we also talked some today. it’s not that his calling helped anything romantically – in fact he told me about both a situation w/ his ex that he’s sad over and a new girl he’s been seeing lol – but i think it helped me see that things will work out someday, somehow or another. we had a bit of a falling out for a bit and didn’t talk for a month, and now we’re just good friends. albeit if given the chance obviously he apparently would still like us to uh… be physical… but as i’m not going to go for that, he’s moved on in a sense and it’s just nice for each other to hear from each other. i guess. haha i don’t know actually what’s going on w/ that either, but regardless i’m not expecting anything out of it. so i think i’ve made my peace w/ that, and now i’ve made my peace with the other guy.  either i’m important enough for him to come back to talk with at some point, or i’m not. and while i still remember our time together very fondly and miss the affection between us and being with each other, whatever happens will happen.  God is in control. and anyway, if ever there was a story of a(n extremely) mismatched pair (in terms of background and beliefs in many ways), that’s us in a nutshell. XD  so yeah.

anyway, spent the last ~4 hours working on editing my proof that i got for my paper yesterday. apparently we only have 48 hours to respond (what…) so i spent a while (much longer than i expected >.<) going through that with a fine-toothed comb.  a good thing too – i found out one of my stats in one of my tables was messed up @__@.  but thankfully it was only one, and it was pretty minor! (was worried it was going to be the whole table because i’d opened up an old output file and was like shoot whatttt why are none of these matching?! but then went ahead and uploaded the file in sas and ran the program for the numbers, and thankfully everything else was correct. *phew*!)

oh! also got a really nice card from someone i don’t know at our church that same night we talked, i think it was. they said that my violin-playing “enhanced their worship” and brought them “closer to the throne of God.”  the first part is a literal echo of the prayer i often give up before playing, so that was a really reaffirming statement, and the 2nd was really a beautiful picture. so praise God that He hears and answers prayers, and that i can use the talents He gave me to serve His people. ^.^ that made me really happy ^.^.  i hope i can help her (and others) again when i play for Easter service tomorrow 🙂

ok, going to go buy some asian groceries because i’m STARVED for good vegetables after the last two crazy weeks in lab @__@.  bye!