i knew it. i freaking knew it. “bad timing” my butt. i knew he was going to spend time seeing her, even though he would only be on that island for 4 days.  “she’s an afterthought” my butt. he’s shown over and over she’s still a priority, and more importantly, that’s she’s a priority over me. he was willing to let me suffer for weeks because of defending his relationship with her, and he was willing to lie to me all these months about not coming to visit because it was “bad timing” when he knew it was because he was going to see her while he was there. what a lying piece of…

UGH.

i’ve never blocked anyone on facebook before (that i recall) but now he has the distinction of being the first.  also blocked him from/uninstalled Line finally (though i did still save our convos before deleting it b/c i’m still that kind of person). but yeah.

on the one hand, it was good that i found out so i could stop pining over him, which i’ve still been doing on a pretty daily basis. on the other hand, with only about a week left for writing my thesis, it’s a pretty bad time to find out. especially since i’m still shaking right now as i’m writing this. ugh.  can’t tell if i’m more mad or sad… i think more the former though, which is handy. much better than the latter. it’s like it hurts, but it was expected, and i guess i didn’t have much expectations to begin with after the first time he showed he could throw me over just to keep his friendship with her, so thankfully i’m more prepared to handle it. but yeah. it kind of sucks to be right. but i usually am in these situations so i guess i shouldn’t be surprised anymore.  oh well. life goes on.  praise God that he helped me see the truth so i can move on from being a foolish, lovesick puppy.

it doesn’t help that hook’s song in OUAT that i just saw earlier today is stuck in my head right now… or maybe it does? “revenge, revenge, revenge! it’s gonna be mine.” 😄  well, no revenge for me – it’s not in my nature, but it’s a pretty oddly cheerful song for its lyrical content so it’s kind of fitting in its own way, i suppose.

sigh, sent an SOS to 3-4 people, but no one’s awake at this hour. it’s ok though, i think thankfully God has been holding me up this whole “relationship” since i gave it over to Him, and i’m much calmer now already.  He has answered my prayers in preparing my heart for this and helping me let go. so praise God. and this again is a sign then that we definitely weren’t meant to be, at least right now.  in a way, i needed this impetus to finally cut ties.  so it’s good.  hopefully i can finally let go completely and move forward and focus on my thesis after this.

my heart’s bruised, but not broken. and praise the Lord greatly for that.

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