got to visit Shocco today this morning with a few people from BCCC.  turns out i was the only one who even still kinda knew people from there lol, but it was really good seeing people there.  there were quite a few people missing, and actually the amount of kids was also a lot less than normal (apparently both main and nw had their own retreats around this time, so the former only sent 4 students and the latter ~10 @___@).  i hope that doesn’t mean they’re going to phase out Shocco, because it’d be sad to not see them anymore. 😦  but yeah anyway.

worship was really good – i didn’t know most of the songs, but the lyrics were really good to remind us how good God is, and how He’s greater and better than all things, and that there’s freedom/peace in Him that can’t be found anywhere else.  it was just really nice having that reminder, and also again, like last year, it helped me realized again that what i really want is someone who can share that understanding with me, and someone who can help pass that on to our kids.  it was also a good reminder that i have friends/brothers and sisters who are actually happy to see me, and that somehow i have served them in the past/affected their lives in a good way.  (which is contrary to how i’m currently feeling in clerkships right now, where i feel like i’m not doing much to help my patients get better at all T__T.  we’re being trained to think about how to discharge patients, like “what is keeping them in the hospital”, but that doesn’t really do much to help their overall condition sometimes, or doesn’t even address their issue :\).  but yeah.

sigh.  i definitely miss being in an asian church (or people affiliated with asian churches, even if they’re not asian themselves).  for some reason, i’m not sure why, but i just don’t feel the same sense of closeness with my current church/gg – even when people say they’ve missed me or whatever, it often feels fake, or like… very surface-y?  like, i like my gg leaders and i think some of the people in my gg do actually care when i’m not there, but a good half or so i feel just say things out of habit to do the nice, southern/christian thing, like “oh, i missed you!” or “oh, you’re so sweet”, but then have nothing else to say really, and you’re like, er ok.

anyway, just wasted toooo many hours looking up zutara on a whim and now i’m screwed for day call tomorrow LOLLLLL *sigh* fail. bye.