you start dreaming about patients (not ones from real life), and the first thing you wake up to is thinking – no, mr. alders doesn’t have COPD – he’s a pink puffer, so he has to have emphesyma! -.-||| LOL T__T. (and yes, mr. alders, as far as i know, does not exist in real life).

i’ve actually been having a lot of weird/vivid dreams lately.  not sure if it’s the change in sleeping schedule, or that i’ve been so tired, or what (slept later than i should have the last two days) but yeah.

today’s an interesting day though.  it’s the 4th of july – independence day.  it’s also my half-birthday, so i’m 29.5 years old today.  and we have the day off as med students, which is really nice.  lots of thoughts have been swirling in my head this morning, and unfortunately a fairly large portion has been about him, and being upset at the whole situation.  so there were lots of imagined yelling scenes. weirdly though, physiologically i’ve been extremely calm and peaceful, so that i don’t even think my heart rate raised at all.  so i guess i really am over it, at least emotionally.  praise God.  forgiveness, after all, is more for the one wronged than the one in the wrong, at least especially in the case where the one in the wrong is incapable of seeing their error.  i also did just check and saw that he did log in to that e-mail account a couple days ago, so if nothing else, he should have noticed the e-mail.  whether he read it or not, or understood it or not, is out of my hands.  (or maybe it got buried, so he hasn’t seen it, who knows).  but regardless, if there was anything left, that was the last little tie i was waiting for, so now it’s completely done.  it’s a good day to finally move forward with my life, and leave the past behind.

there was a good song at shocco again this year that’s been playing in my head/heart the last couple of days upon waking up, and it’s really peace/calm/joy-inducing.  it’s called “Man of Sorrows”, by Hillsong.  my favorite lyrics are in the bridge:

Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin
Has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed

There is freedom in Christ that can be found nowhere else.  Praise Him for His Son and that truth. 🙂


edit: oh yeah, you know what else today is? it’s exactly 2 weeks since we last talked.  after today, it’ll be the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking to each other. kind of sad that i still remember that (though i was on the verge of forgetting! so that’s a good sign), but it is also the 4th, a day of “death” for the chinese, so in a way, it’s also fitting, that today marks the final death of that relationship.  (interestingly enough, our hospital doesn’t have a 4th floor.  i wonder if it’s for that reason, though i didn’t think americans would dislike the number 4 0.o).