you know, i’m really starting to appreciate my previous team… even more so than i thought i did.  it’s interesting how big a difference it makes having a confident upper-level, or at least one who is(/seems) well-prepared, organized and thoughtful.  our current one is often frazzled, and it sounds like she’s also kind of anxious? since she’s been waking up at 3am every morning worried about her patients/how she’s doing with managing them.  and i think her stress translates to our stress, because it creates a kind of tense atmosphere, and she often forgets where people are or who has which patient, etc.  whereas with my other team, we were pretty relaxed all the time, everyone was clear who they were following and what needed to be done when, etc.  even though i knew j would be stressed out sometimes too with everything he had to take care of, he would always make time for questions, or apologize about not having time to (which he definitely didn’t need to) and he seemed to be well balanced about keeping everyone going.

it’s possible we also had better interns last time, and it probably helped also that we had an AI to split the load.  “better” in the sense that they were both autonomous and seemed to have a good idea of how to handle their patients – one of our interns this time seems like that, but the other seems a little lost most of the time, nice though he is.  what’s definitely also not helping the atmosphere, at least for me, is the other med student.  she’s nice enough, but much too anxious and aggressive at the same time (maybe because she’s anxious about doing well?) and it’s just really tiring dealing with her simultaneous need for attention/validation, and then her stepping over of me and other teammates in trying to impress the higher ups.  she’s definitely more knowledgeable than me, and i’m sure would be a good doctor for that reason, but she’s also the type that i would not want to see, nor would i want any family members to see, simply because she would be too pushy for things.  and also i think i just have a distaste for fakeness, which she oozes – she acts so nice to patients and to other people, but talks about people behind their backs constantly, or complains about how annoying it was to have to pretend to be interested in what an attending or others had to say, which during that whole conversation, she sounded super enthusiastic about it the whole time.  also, our first day together, she complained about how her previous partner kept “stealing” her patients… and then she later says she took care of 4 patients, and even now she keeps trying to take more, or keeps “happening” to see my patients along with hers and trying to interject about them all the time… so now i’m like welp, this sounds like a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, and/or projection.  guess this is what they call a “gunner”. so yeah, just doing the best i can while staying as far away as possible.

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